Do you know this happy human? His name is Jon Batiste. He is a musical genius, and a bundle of “love energy.” I watch him and think, “I’ll have whatever he’s having.” American Symphony is a documentary on his life. It is an exhibition of his journey, navigating fame, talent, anxiety– all while he loves and supports his partner, Suleika Jaouad, a beautiful acclaimed writer and artist, managing cancer. I was blessed to see him perform last fall. The concert felt like a gift, from Jon to us! Those of us present gratefully took a break from the divisiveness of the news and collectively celebrated the gift of love that makes us all alive.

Curious About Love

Google’s definition of love feels lame to me. Feel free to “search it up.” Some Christians interpret love according to 1 Corinthians 13 in the Bible, and I appreciate that interpretation of love. Some believe God is Love. I will be vulnerable and share here that love is the reason that I still believe in God. I don’t always see love demonstrated by people who claim to be Christian, but I have already complained about that in my “Dear Church” posts. So, I won’t belabor it here. 🙂 You’re welcome.

Love feels all encompassing to me, like a life flow, that I get to enjoy. I believe love is the essence of life. I think it may be primary and fundamental to all the other feelings. For example, if there was no love, would we have a reason to hope? Would there be sadness over loss or anger over injustice if we did not love? I believe love fills life with meaning and purpose.

Love fuels me to help a friend in need, open a door for an elderly woman, or support a non-profit that we believe in. Love gives me motivation to have patience and understanding with others; it gives me joy and passion to fight for a bright future, even when the news feels so bleak; and it drives me to care for myself, so I can experience a love filled life, for as long as possible. Love keeps me awake and present to opportunities every day.

When Love is Lost

Sometimes stress sucks capacity for love. I feel numb, because life feels overwhelming. I turn into a robot, moving through the moments, surviving without feeling.

Other times loving feels so painful. A loved one hurts me, and it feels easier to build a wall of anger to avoid the sting of hurt. I lose the essence of me as I wring my heart free of every last drop of the love that fuels the hard feelings.

At other times giving too freely sucks love from me. I have trusted naively, without the balance of reciprocation. This is not real love, but a greed for it–I also call it “people pleasing.” This ultimately dilutes the joy of generosity, when I give beyond my desire. I betray myself to play a role others want, instead of being comfortable being myself, loving in the ways I am uniquely able.

In whatever ways we lose love, don’t we consequently lose part of ourselves? And each time a person separates themselves from love, because of burnout, loss, or hurt, doesn’t the world pay a dear cost, that it cannot afford? I love the people in our world, and I am afraid that we are losing our love. The essence and flow that keep us alive and connected is draining away.

Healing is Imperative

If you know me, you know I celebrate feelings. When we feel, it is evident that love is in us, even if the feelings are hard. For example, sadness reminds us that whatever was lost was worth loving. Fear is rooted in concern of losing something we love. And so on. When these feelings are avoided, we become callous toward love. Or perhaps we engage in coping skills that end up separating ourselves from love. But humans were designed for love, and there is always hope. Love is always there, ready to regenerate and be better than before, if we keep ourselves unlocked to it.

Love is relational. It is birthed and lost and healed through relationship. I have experienced this in sometimes surprising ways– like even discovering how to love a relationship with myself or finding healing through connection with a skilled therapist. If I am open to love and all it brings, I remain alive and hopeful. If I feel numb or defeated, I may need reminders that love is still possible and available, when I have courage to heal and remain open. Imagine a world full of people who are open to love: they have reasons to hope and plan for a positive future; they find passion to fight for those who cannot fight for themselves; they experience joy through connection; and they can find meaning in the mundane. I need to create space for love to revitalize. I will adapt to new routines after disappointment, and consider options outside my control. I will make mistakes and learn that sometimes I have not been wise with love. I can learn how to love myself and others, with healthy boundaries.

Follow the Lovers

I started this post with Jon Batiste. He is someone who I have watched and learned from, because he models what it looks like to remain open to love. I observe some additional favorite celebrities and leaders who remain authentic, vulnerable, generous– open to giving and receiving love, even in spite of really challenging hurdles. They inspire us. Mr. Rogers used to say, “Watch the helpers.” I humbly add, “Watch the lovers.” He certainly was a lover too.

I want to be more full of love in 2026. I will create space to remain awake and present to the opportunities that love brings. When love feels distant, and I am tempted to separate from love, I will work hard to pursue the courage to remain open. Let’s help each other! Love to all of you in 2026!

The post What the World Needs Now– Musing on Love appeared first on Big Feels: The Diary of a Passionate Kitty.

Some of us can barely tolerate one feeling at a time. What on earth am I suggesting?

Examples in my work

I work in foster care. Supporting kids and families as they navigate the very complex feelings that come with foster care is something that I am constantly working to understand. Some kids spend years with their foster families and then go back home to their bio families. They want to be with their bio families, of course, but they also have grown to love their foster families. Their foster families have accepted them as their own, and they have to navigate the sadness of saying goodbye while celebrating the joy of helping them reunite with their bio families.

Examples in my personal life

Whenever I get a photo of my granddaughter, who lives in a different state, I am overjoyed at seeing her preciousness and I’m thrilled that her parents thought to share this moment with me! Almost simultaneously I am struck with sadness at how far away she lives and how little time I get to spend with her.

My feelings over lost relationships are plenty too. It is common for me to feel sad and miss someone and also feel mad at them for the hurts that I feel due to our fallout. I can feel relief that they are gone, and in the same moment feel sadness and loneliness. I sometimes even feel concern for them and curiosity at times and wonder how they are doing.

We recently went on vacation in Disneyworld and Universal Studios. It was so weird being there, so separate from much of the world that is hurting, while I lived in relative extravagance. I felt out of touch. I was thrilled to spend time and make memories with my family in such a privileged way; but I also had guilty feelings. It felt unfair that I got to enjoy such fun when times are so difficult for so many others.

So many feelings…..how do I cope?

I am learning to give grace to myself when the feelings flood my mind. I used to feel ashamed for feeling. I would judge myself for happiness, as well as for sadness. Happiness was undeserved in light of those who were hurting, and sadness should not be allowed for someone who is so blessed. There is much time spent thinking about my feelings versus simply feeling them.

Having more than one feeling can be overwhelming, like a wave in the ocean. The feelings can wash over me, loud, powerful, and strong; and I don’t know which feeling to manage first. If I stop and breathe, and maybe do a bit of writing, I will see if the feelings will just settle down with a little time. Some feelings may respond to reason and diffuse with a calm, “It’s going to be ok,” affirmation.

We are not crazy to have feelings. We were designed to feel. It is ok to have more than one feeling at a time. Life is complicated. Take care of yourselves, and take time to feel ALL your feelings. Remember, “Big feelings can help us and our world to grow.” https://www.respectfullycurious.com/bookshop/

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Lessons from our pets

These two– so different, yet the same. When I was a little girl, I thought dogs ate cats and there was no way they could be friends. But these two pets of Bethany’s are very attached to each other and live at peace in our home. It reminds me of what I wish was the reality in our world. However, things only seem to get more difficult. I admit that I am tempted to think that I cannot share space with those who believe things that seem so wrong, to me. I have been hurt by social media posts and conversations with people I love, because of those belief differences. They may feel the same about me. I cannot fathom how anyone can follow a bully, yet many that I care about seem to be doing so. It is so confusing. But I believe we HAVE to learn to appreciate our differences and either attempt to understand the other or let it go, like Rocko and Jet have learned to do. If we don’t, we will continue to devour “the other” (which, by the way, gives the bully more power).

Connection

I attended a trauma conference last week where there were 3400 people from all over the world. I discussed the challenges we have in the U.S. with others in different parts of the world. Those I met agree that we do have a bully running our country, and they felt badly for us. All the speakers had a similar thread to their talks: that connection is a primary component for healing trauma. Yet, connection sometimes feels impossible.

How can we keep our beliefs and the authenticity of who we are and remain respectful with those who are different? I believe Tyler Merritt addressed it articulately when he talked about proximity. Check out his book, I Take my Coffee Black here: https://thetylermerrittproject.com/book/. He has some experience with community, and it is an inspiring read.

Proximity

I agree with Tyler and want to name that proximity is a key part of what, I believe, is missing here. I have moved multiple times throughout my life, and I have learned lessons with each move. Different locations hold different people groups, different stories, and different cultures. I have become closer in proximity to different varieties of people because of where I live. I have Black and Brown people around me that I love. I have Asian friends and family that I love. I have gay, bi, and trans people that I know and love. I see the world differently, thanks to living in a place where people who are different than I reside. I could choose not to see these people, not to listen to their stories, or try not to understand their journeys; however, I would miss out on many life giving relationships if I avoided experiences with those who are different than I. I know it sounds dramatic, but I fully believe that being in proximity with these people has saved my life. If I had not seen their perspectives, I would have continued to be surrounded by all the people who looked like me, talked like me, believed like me, etc. There is an incredible beauty and growth that would be missing from my life.

Seattle

I remember when we moved to Seattle from the community that was so comfortable for us. I grieved for a solid year, and I missed my friends who I had been pregnant with, homeschooled my kids with, and “solved the world’s problems” with. I must have known that things would change beyond my imagination, because the weight of that loss still brings emotions in my chest when I think about it.

I remember our first visit back, when our friends were gathering together. I noticed that I had some discomfort that I had NOT missed. I was feeling aware of concern about the outfit I had brought to wear. I noticed that I was thinking about how skinny everyone else was, and how “not skinny” I felt. I wondered if people would be evaluating my karaoke performance– I was reminded, by myself, that I couldn’t measure up. These insecurities were very noticeable, I believe, because they had been pretty non-existent since moving away.

When I got curious about why these feelings were so present in this community, I came to a new understanding of myself. In this community, where I thought I was SO comfortable, I was actually very insecure. It was a lovely looking bunch of people, who loved us, and we loved them. We missed them terribly, and looked forward to seeing them; but what I felt after a short break was interesting.

Respectfully Curious about non-diverse groups

I wonder, when we are only surrounded by people who look and act and believe like us, do we see the bigger picture? How can we? It feels nice in a way. The lines are so clear; we know where to shop, what to eat, and how to raise our kids. Our structures are able to be built on what, we believe, is a very firm foundation of truth; and we can build walls around it to keep out those who don’t belong. We even gather to peer out over those walls; and together we feel sorry for those who do not adhere to our belief systems, because they can’t possibly be happy, can they? Our kids can grow up to marry their perfect partners, who look like us, act like us, and believe like us. They can shop where we shop, eat what we eat, and raise their kids like we raised them. It is very comfortable and tidy. Truly, it is! And we can stay the same.

Here’s another thought. What would happen if we decided intentionally to connect with a person or two outside our normal circles? What if we joined a book club or yoga class to expand our community. Maybe these aren’t opportunities that you are able or desire to do, but there are also MANY memoirs out there that can help us understand better the experience of others. May I recommend Born a Crime, by Trevor Noah https://a.co/d/eS555KN, Finding Me, by Viola Davis https://a.co/d/0LTooxR, or Torn, by Justin Lee https://a.co/d/8H92wBi. These are just a few that have helped me grow! You may even have a friend or family member who is part of a different community, who may be willing to have coffee and connect. I do want to acknowledge that the weight of understanding others is our own. It needs to come from a place of love and curiosity, pursuing points of connection, instead of “help me understand how you came to believe how you do.” Telling one’s story may be appropriate after some time and trust, but don’t start there. Start with things you love about the other, and sit and connect over that for awhile. Safety in relationship takes time, grace, and effort. And this is not about convincing the other to come to our point of view. This is simply connection. I know. It’s hard for me as well :).

Circling Back to Rocko and Jet

I hope I have helped to bring some respectful curiosity to what I believe is a VERY important issue in our country. I am so glad that I was exposed, even though it wasn’t always comfortable for me, to quite alot of diversity of community in the last 15 years. Seattle is a FANTASTIC place to live, and it is safe for most everyone to create and explore and be authentically who they were made to be. I felt that safety really soon after moving here, and I noticed the difference when going back for that first visit. I want to be that safe place for everyone in my life, but I am still learning how. I grew up Christian, and I believe that desire is consistent with a Christianity that I am still willing to be part of. I want to be open to love and forgive and grow and change and love and forgive and grow and change FOREVER. I know that it feels scary sometimes; but as I look back, I have not been sorry for these changes in my life. I wonder if the survival of our families, friends, workplaces, and humanity depends on proximity and inclusion for those who are different. Please consider taking time for curiosity in this space. And as long as you are not a bully, you are welcome around my table, no matter who you are!!! https://youtu.be/ZPfI8zBWub4?si=CQiJCwxOlQAJxBmi

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I grew up tall and lanky but I never FELT thin. My first memory of worrying about my weight was in second grade when my thighs spread out on the metal chair in music class. I quickly lifted my legs. I remember feeling so uncomfortable when my body started maturing, and pulling my tshirts down to flatten out my chest. I was also learning what boys were thinking, which was particularly disturbing to me. Striving to be thinner was a significant part of my life, yet I was never satisfied with the outcomes. I was technically underweight, but my perspective was skewed and I saw myself heavier.

I have always loved exercising. My friend had cable. I recorded some aerobics shows, so I could do daily exercise. Eventually, I studied to get my personal trainer certification and enjoyed teaching classes and coaching people on my own. Much of my time and thoughts continued to be consumed with how to better my appearance, and how to help others with this too. My body hurt from symptoms of overtraining. Eventually, I modified my messaging along with everyone else–the focus was now more on HEALTH than image. I did believe that, but it really is difficult to grasp the difference. I could make myself feel better about how I said it, but my feelings around how pleased or not pleased I was with my body did not change much.

Often I have a facebook memory pop up that was me some years ago. I often think, “Wow! I did not realize how good I looked back then. I should have enjoyed myself more.” I have thought that countless times through my life– enough times that you would think that I would have learned by now. I should love her now.

In circles of women there are often SO many conversations around weight loss. I am very weary of the conversations and the dieting. It has been a long time since I have tried to lose weight. I am 40 lbs heavier these last 5 years than I was for the previous 40 ish years of my life. I don’t know how it happened. It might be because I finally stopped dieting. It’s possible I was on a diet for the first 40 something years of my life. There was not a food that I hadn’t memorized how many calories it was. Each item was on a spectrum in my mind that ranged from healthy to indulgent or harmful. Depending on what I chose to eat, my feelings for myself ranged from pride to shame. This can still be a struggle, but I am slowly shedding those old patterns of thinking. I really feel bummed that I have spent so much energy thinking such negative thoughts about the body that I have been given. She really serves me well, and I have not thought kindly of her.

So, my new challenge, is to be kind to my body, in a variety of ways. I will attempt to fuel her with a variety of nutritious foods and enjoy some treats as well. I will move my body in a variety of ways that will help keep me strong and limber for as long as I can manage. I will NOT attempt to “be better than I was yesterday,” or “be the best version of myself.” I am getting older. I can do things that will help my body be in good working order for as long as possible; however, there are a host of ways that my life could be cut short that I have absolutely zero control over. So, I can make choices that can help me feel better, but I can not ensure health. I can love and appreciate the body that I have been given. It has birthed 3 children and accompanied me through a miscarriage. It has brought me pleasure and pain. It has walked me through journeys that I never knew I would experience, highs and lows, and I have been ok! I have learned to listen to her cues and cautions, now that I do not deprive her of her basic needs. I am beyond grateful for my body that has been a gift.

Love that body! It is a difficult thing to do in our culture, and the harmful messaging is unavoidable. For my daughters, granddaughters, and myself, I am letting go of my desire for perfection (whatever that is) and I am committing to be grateful for this body that carries me. She is good. Hang in there, Girl!

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I remember somewhere around 2012 when Rob Bell, the Christian author and pastor “came out” in affirmation of the LGBTQ+ community. I remember hearing about it, and mulling over it in my mind. I tend to argue and process in my mind, from as many angles as I can imagine, before I settle on where I “land.” I usually take the more cautious position, believe it or not, unless there is a compelling reason to do otherwise. I remember having a discussion with my husband. He had read Rob’s book, Love Wins https://a.co/d/hCIFnUr and found it compelling. I had not read the book. Perhaps I was afraid it would confuse my position on what love was. Also, I didn’t read as much in those days. I do remember rationalizing to Chris, “I would like to take the affirming position, as it feels more loving; but I would be worried that I might be wrong.” I do remember considering then what might happen if I was wrong. It boiled down to not making it to heaven and possibly leading others that way as well.

I worry about being wrong ALOT!!! I think about it at my job. I think about it in my marriage. I think about it as a Mom. I think about it as a “Jojo (grandmom).” I think about it as a friend. I think about it as a writer. I think about it as a creator. I think about it VERY often. I am not a miserable person :), but I am careful about what I choose to believe. I really do want to the right thing, because I still feel a deep responsibility to all around me (friends, family, coworkers, God, etc. ) not to cause harm. I do not want to be responsible for being a wrong example for others. In fact, believe it or not, it takes a great deal of courage for me to put these curiosities and opinions in front of you, because of this very real “weight of glory” as C.S. Lewis named it.

What I did not consider in 2012, when I was determining if I could join Rob Bell’s ideology, was what if my 2012 position was wrong? What if it wasn’t all about heaven or my responsibility to convince everyone in my sphere to go there? Or what if God made some people gay, because He is creative and likes variety? And what if it’s possible that gender dysphoria is real, and appropriate healthcare measures are a reasonable means to help a person become their true selves? What if it didn’t even matter what I believed about it? What if my beliefs on the matter had nothing to do with whether or not my kids “became gay.” or whether or not they would experience this gender dysphoria? What if the Bible actually meant something different than I had previously understood? What if the Bible exists by a very long process with many iterations, and what if those verses dealing with the topics of LGBTQ matters were interpreted by people who had opinions about it that were based on their own views versus a revelation from God? What if the Bible is more of a history book, where we can learn about God and people’s perception of him, and not a weapon to use toward everyone who doesn’t interpret it like we do? But I am getting ahead of myself.

I feel my search for rightness, after I fully faced the LGBTQ issue, brought me to the realization that I had been wrong. It helped me grow open to other ideas that challenge my beliefs. I remember when it occurred to me that maybe my community loved the Bible more than they loved Jesus or people. I wonder if “We teach the Bible” has become a more important statement than “We love others” or “We follow Christ.” Many “Bible believing” churches seem to have a clear view of what each verse means. They believe there are clear rights and wrongs, and if you don’t agree, you are judged.

Dear Church,

What if you are wrong?

I don’t know how to be in a place of certainty anymore, but I know that I aim to be in a place of integrity, humility, and justice more than ever. Whether I am right or wrong, I feel compelled to support my fellow humans, whether they look and act like me or not, especially in these times where diversity, equity, and inclusion are being scorned. Maybe it is time to take a closer look at our beliefs. Maybe it’s time to risk the possibility that we may have been wrong. It might cost you your community, but integrity, humility, and justice are worth it.

Consider those verses that aren’t being amplified right now, such as this one: Micah 6:8 “He has shown you, O man, what is good and what does the Lord require of you. But to seek justice, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.”

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Belonging is powerful. I have mentioned in previous posts the relationship challenges we have had with our Christian community, only after we came out in support of LGBTQ people. People have disappointed us, and we have disappointed them. I have done much soul searching as I try to understand what my relationship with God looks like now. I think I was quite a codependent, and perhaps my identity as a Christian was more about being in the right group than actually standing up for what I believed in. When you don’t belong where you once did and when the previous comfortable community has left, it really does make you think about what you believed and why you believed it. I know deconstruction is a term that is loaded, but it has been a helpful concept for me. I mean, if God is who we believed him to be, he will hold up under it, right?

I still feel hope in my gut that God is real and there is love and joy and peace and patience, kindness, gentleness, and self control, that reflects a soul that is god filled. And one of the reasons I feel hope of that is the church, or Christians. So here is another side of the “Dear Church” letters that I am happy to share.

I have a job supporting foster families. Many of them are Christians. I watch them day after day care for kids who are not theirs. They manage difficult behaviors with grace, and they love kids for days, weeks, months, and years. And then they often have to give them back, sometimes with grieving hearts but committed to having no strings attached. They surrender hearts full of fear for outcomes they can’t know or control. It is a constant toll, but they keep doing it until they cannot do it anymore. They do it, because something calls them to it–something or someone. Watching these people choose to do this hella hard work is bringing healing to my wounded soul, because this love… doesn’t make sense.

I have been attending a church for a few years that is small but safe. Most are hurting from a variety of church wounds, many in the LGBTQ+ community. But it remains a church- a place of faith in the Christian God. It feels different from any church I had previously attended. There is much validation and zero judgment. Some in the church say they may not be alive were it not for the support they received there. I joined a Bible “restudy” the other night where I heard very different interpretations of Bible verses. Remaining open to the possibility of the reality of God gave me the desire to attend this sweet space where questions and imperfections were allowed. This has brought healing and hope to me.

My daughter’s family has been attending a church in their area, and I have been joining them when I am able. It *feels* more like church than the other one, for better or worse. Sometimes I don’t know if I can honestly sing all the songs. But when they sing Brandi Carlile’s Highwomen’s “Crowded Table” https://g.co/kgs/USQWGw6 I try to belt it as I tear up. It isn’t a big body of people but they have been feeding hundreds of local houseless folks breakfast every Sunday morning for decades. They are an ecumenical church and very diverse. I was singing about God’s love while there recently, and I felt a very real warmth. Maybe it was simply a feeling, but it seemed like something in me was healing.

I really do not believe I can know if there is a God or not. I cannot be sure if my experiences with spirituality are from God or coincidence. I have feelings, but they may just be feelings. But I am open to the possibility. I think that is a place I would choose to be–more open.

Dear Church, Thanks to those of you who are able to care for the children who are displaced by things outside their control. It isn’t easy. There are people of faith and not of faith loving these kids, but most of the you I engage with are people of faith. And all of the you who do it seem to be called by something or someone. Thank you for sharing with me this healing love as I see you loving your kids.

Dear Church, https://missiongathering.com/mg-bellevue/Thank you for making a safe space for those who have been wounded by religion. Thank you for being aware of each potential trigger, and thank you for training people to be emotionally in tune with themselves and one another. Thank you for creating a very safe space for curiosity and healing love.

Dear Church, https://www.urbangrace.org/Thank you for pushing through hard seasons and sticking together. Thank you for feeding the needy in your city. Thank you for singing songs about God’s love, and creating a space where this love is able to be felt. Thank you for welcoming my kids. Thank you for showing me another kind of church that eminates a love less stringint or dependent on conditions.

Dear Church, You have helped me not give up this search for understanding God. This love that you show is a beautiful part of life where I want to belong. Is it just about the community? Am I just codependent? Perhaps. But it seems proven that people need each other, and it seems a reality that we were made to belong. Belonging and God can still be in the same space for me, thanks to these fine folks :).

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How did so many people, many claiming to be Christians, give a person like Trump such a big win?

I have been listening to commentators that should have prepared me for this, but I was not prepared. I thought I was prepared for a slight win, but I sure was not prepared for such a significant one. 

I feel a deep heaviness in my chest. It is hard seeing people I love celebrating someone who is factually a rapist, a thief, a liar, a cheat, a racist, who uses disgusting language in reference to women and communities of color. I do not understand how people who say they take the Bible so literally can excuse this. I have never felt so heavy for our nation. I have never felt so overwhelmed by “the sin of the land.” 

I feel confused and wonder if I am having big feelings that may be the same kind of feelings that these people had 4 years ago. I have a family member who was scared when Biden won in 2020, and he told me things like “families will be divided similar to what happened during the Revolutionary War.” I saw the fear that drove people to post mean things about people they knew nothing about. I told myself they were just afraid. I tried to give them understanding. 

But now I am afraid. I am afraid of those scared people. Those scared people who have been duped by a masterful manipulator. I remember, as a kid, being so afraid of being under the power of “the antichrist.” He was going to mesmerize us all into an army of robots to do his evil bidding and bring down truth and goodness. I don’t believe the Bible as literally as I used to, but if I did, I know I would still be confused and wary of the resemblance. 

I am trying to tell myself that fear is never a good reason to act. So I will practice meditation, prayer, breathing, processing, etc. to keep myself calm. However, I am scared…maybe like that family member was 4 years ago. But my fear feels founded on a reality that our nation seems to be conned by a master manipulator. A nation is “calling evil ‘good,’”with this leader. I was warned about such people, and now those people who warned me are celebrating exactly such a person. 

I am confused, because I had hoped we had a majority who would not empower someone like him. What does this say to our kids? How will it affect a population of LGBTQ+ folks who just want to live their lives and be left alone. Could this be  about abortion? Really? Because the research shows that we have made much progress and abortion has decreased significantly over the last decades. Changes have been made to help make that decision less necessary. Is it possible that issue that has improved so significantly could be the reason to bring such a leader into power? It doesn’t make sense to me that Christians are celebrating this person. Oh, also, he is pro choice.

Perhaps it’s because of his stand against immigration. But that is not a Christian stance either. I believe many Christians are under a spell- the spell of a very, very bad man. I get that they may think he can lead our country toward a better life for them. But is their “better life” worth all the harm that may be done? I don’t understand. These are not reasons, according my very Christian upbringing, to vote for such a person. I do not get it.

I don’t know what to hope for. I know I want my friends and family who are scared like me to know that I am a safe person, who will be here to protect their freedoms. I am here to stick with those who are interested in showing love to all our neighbors, eat with strangers, be generous with those who don’t live or look like me, and stay strong to protect the vulnerable. May we see clearly and not be blinded by fear, but may we be supportive of all who may need it these next 4 years. 

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“Consider others more important than yourself.” This verse I learned as a little girl has shaped my life. It is a phrase that, to me, describes what respect means. Can it be taken too far? Of course, I believe it can. However, it has given me a perspective that has been one of my aims in life. It helps my ego not feel too weighted in relationships.

I remember wondering if this phrase could apply to parenting. I admit it is a pet peeve of mine when I see parents “talking down” to their kids. (I probably have not respected them very much :).) What might it look like to consider my kids more important than myself? It could look like celebrating their accomplishments or cheering them on when they’re down. Maybe it looks like giving them freedom to make mistakes and grow, being proud of them through it. What if I assume they will do the right thing, verses expecting them to fail? Respect definitely includes celebrating who they are instead of trying to force them into the “mold” of someone I imagined they would be.

What does it look like to consider my partner more important than myself? It could look like doing things that I know are meaningful to them. Or maybe I could let irritations go and celebrate all the parts of who they are, even the parts that are difficult for me. It could mean making time in a busy schedule to be with them or listening to them talk, because their words are important.

Respecting a coworker may mean sharing positives about them with the rest of the team or supporting them through highs and lows at the office. Taking a moment to share a smile and a “How was your weekend?” is respectful, as well as, paying attention to their interests and engaging around what you have noticed they care about.

Can I consider a family member who has differing beliefs more important than myself? I could avoid letting politics get in the way of a growing relationship with them. Maybe I remember their birthday and celebrate their kids’ milestones. Respecting them values taking opportunities to connect with them, even if it’s awkward; because life is short and they are more important than the issues we disagree about.

Who else might I have opportunity to “respect?” What would it look like to show respect to the guy with the cardboard sign at the end of the freeway ramp? How about the neighbor who has a Trump sign on his lawn or a Kamala sign? And the neighbor who has a pride flag hanging on their house? Consider a trans coworker? What about the person who doesn’t have their lawn as manicured as you’d like or who takes your parking spot at the gym or your pew at church? And the person who cuts in front of you in the Costco line? Do you respect the homeless person in the downtown doorway who’s high on drugs or passed out and smells like urine?

Who do we think of as more important than ourselves? Anyone? Everyone? In my most depressed moments, I think everyone, but I usually operate from the bubble of my own importance. To be clear, I don’t believe that respect requires a loss of myself. Respect of people includes a respect of myself. Prioritizing my own needs is important, so I have capacity to respect others. But respect doesn’t have to cost much. It can simply be a shift in thought or a surrender of a judgment. It may be free, but it is not abundant. On the contrary, it currently feels like it’s in short supply.

We are all people, each unique, who are incredibly complex, with different gifts. Respectful curiosity is something I need more of, and I wish it was more of a reflection of our society. Is there a person that comes to mind that you deem not “respectable?” What would respecting them look like? I have people that are not easy for me to respect. I am not suggesting turning a blind eye to people who have been abusive. However, I really hope to more generally practice “curiosity before criticism” and think about what considering others more important than myself might look like.

I am interested in your thoughts! Do you think “Considering one another more important than yourself” is a path of respect? Does that track?

The post R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Find out what it means to me… appeared first on Big Feels: The Diary of a Passionate Kitty.

This year is the third consecutive year I got to join the Seattle Pride festival in order to offer “mom hugs” to the LGBTQIA+ community. Some months ago, a dear friend texted me and said she wanted to join me this year. She has recently experienced very similar challenges with friends and family since her daughter has come out, and she wanted to show her support as a mom. I was so happy to have her along, because she has played a special role in my life. I would love to tell you more about her. 

Kathy is a person who personifies welcome. I met her many years ago now at my very first Kindlingsfest. Kindlingsfest was a very unique experience. It was a gathering on Orcas Island that brought together Christians, artists, theologians, and intellectuals who were able to have hospitable conversations about God, culture and why it all matters. I credit my experience at these festivals with my ability to have kept my faith at all, because they gave me a lens that was broad and beautiful and free. 

I honestly don’t remember the year, but Chris had discovered this “ministry” through a relationship with Kathy’s husband, who founded this Kindlings experience. We lived in Indiana at the time, but Chris eagerly signed us up for this first Kindlingsfest. I had become a listener of the podcasts that were the foundation of the ministry, “The Kindlings Muse,” and I was excited to attend as well. Chris ended up having to do a work thing that week, however, and I invited my sister in law to join me. I was nervous about what this experience would be like, but I did not need to be. Kathy was there, and she welcomed my sister in law and me immediately. We were not as important as many others in attendance, but that did not matter to Kathy. 

That year was the beginning of a solid friendship that has never wavered. I also have grown close to one of Kathy’s daughters, and their family is one that is refreshing and fun and real. Being near them has been one of the best gifts of living in the Pacific Northwest. They are a model of curiosity and kindness, while they pursue the hope that we are created and loved. 

My first trip to Orcas Island after Cailin came out, I was in a shop downtown. Orcas is a small place, and it was not the first time that Kathy walked in to find me visiting her island unannounced. We were happy to see each other, and she did what she always does. She started eagerly asking me about the kids. Cailin was in college, and Kathy asked, “Is she dating anyone?” I am not a good liar, and Kathy totally read my hesitancy around how to respond. “Is she gay?” she excitedly asked with a huge smile. 

That moment is one I have remembered often. It was such a gift in an extremely lonely time. I was on the cusp of a very difficult season of relationship loss, and I was dreading the inevitable. Her enthusiasm for my kid’s uniqueness breathed life into me that has continued to be a source of healing. 

She quickly understood that I had complicated feelings, and she said, “I am sorry. This is probably hard for you. Let me give you a hug!” She hugged me and told me about these two friends of theirs, guys who were married with two little boys. She showed me the adorable pictures, and her celebratory tone brought trust. She and her family would remain friends on this long journey we were embarking. 

It brings tears as I write, these 6 or so years later, on the other side of so many friendships that are no more. But Kathy and her family are friends who have remained. And in June I attended her daughter’s wedding to an incredible lady; and she also is experiencing some of the pain that we have, because she fully supports her; and I now have the opportunity to remain a friend who is excited for her kids. 

And this Seattle Pride Festival, with all of its colorful people, got to experience my friend’s deep well of love and support as she hugged them tightly. I hope it’s something that can happen many more times. Because more people need Kathy’s in their lives. 

The post What does friendship look like? appeared first on Big Feels: The Diary of a Passionate Kitty.

Hi, Everyone,

I thought I would share a reflection I was invited to share at church today. Thanks for reading.

When I was asked to talk today about resurrection and transformative love I considered what I would share. There are a variety of things I could share. Life is full of dying to an old way and living into a new way. I hope that my life will reflect millions of those patterns, exponentially as I get older. But I thought I would share three significant seasons that helped me become more open to these regular resurrection moments, big and small.

Love in my Spirit

The first “awakening” was back in my very evangelical time of life, about 20 years ago. My husband Chris was a huge C.S. Lewis fan at the time, and he had gone to several C.S. Lewis conferences. He really loved his times at these conferences, and so we decided to get childcare for our 3 very little kids and attend one with his parents. The conference was titled, “The Imaginative Worlds of C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkein.” I had never experienced anything like what that conference was. I remember Fernando Ortega was the resident artist, and there were speakers who were intellectual and also poetry readings. I kept thinking that I had never experienced a Christian conference where I did not feel like I needed to “work on something” or “repent”. I felt grace abound in the content, and it did awaken something in me. I literally wanted to engage with every person I met, with curiosity, love, and wonder at the creation that they were. I was not the same. I had become aware that there was a new kind of Christian event that made me a better human, without the guilt and shame. I began then to lose interest in the dogma that had kept me focused on my own limitations and shortcomings, and I wanted to press into the flow of humanity that invited the beauty of growth. The connections this group gave me contributed significantly to why I still have a faith in God today. The friendships that began there showed me a different kind of Christian community; and if I hadn’t experienced it, I think I would have attached all of Christianity to the rigidity of the fundamentalism I had known before. I am grateful to have had this experience that moved me from a world of shame to an openness to other God perspectives that keep me interested in Them.

Love in my Body

The second season I wanted to share was about 9 years ago. While the first experience was more spiritual, this was more connected to a personal, bodily awakening. Robin Williams had just passed away, and many were sharing about depression on social media. At the same time, a leader of a fundamentalist movement I had been involved in as a youth was exposed for thirty something sexual harassment allegations. Also, I was on a worship team and the leader was asked to resign due to indiscretions with another team member. The world as I knew it, my present leaders, my past leaders, and a respected celebrity had brought some clarity. There was much wrong with the world, and Robin’s quotes and stories about him helped me become aware that loved people can still have mental health challenges. I realized I was depressed and had been for some time. I decided to start seeing a therapist (which was very scary for me). We discussed my story: who I was, what I wanted, etc. I was made aware that I did not know the answers to any of these questions. I only had known how to be who others wanted me to be. I had grown up in a world of conservative religion where I thrived in being the person that did more than I was told, did things before I was asked, and worked hard to consider others more important than myself. That got me success in those places, but in reality I was very out of touch with my own self. The two big leaders being exposed made me realize I had lost myself in service to others and I had become a victim of a toxic system. I had learned to behave, submit, and be as completely selfless as I could manage; but I hated myself and could do nothing outside of someone else’s need. I was anxious, depressed, unhappy, and realized my “joy” was limited to being happy when others I helped were happy with me. My time in therapy has helped me grow in love for me. I can be alone with myself and enjoy it, which was not possible before. I have grown in understanding of who I am, what I like, and what I don’t like. I still sometime struggle with boundaries, but I am getting better. I am realizing what is appropriate and celebrating my likes and dislikes. I have left the old mindset of who I was, and I feel more comfortable honoring my needs so I can live in love for myself, others, and the world. My new love for myself allows mistakes, realizing growth comes through victories AND challenges. The important thing is to remain open to learning in all of life, not expecting perfection but humanness.

Love Discovered Through Practice

The last experience of awakening and transformation was more of an active practice. Many of you know that a friend and I walked across Spain about a year and a half ago. It was 500 miles done in 32 days, and was super impactful. People have asked what it was that was so “life changing.” There isn’t an easy answer, but it has something to do with the grounding practice of walking 15-22 miles for 29 of 32 days, WITHOUT a giant AHA moment. The plodding sound of our feet. The beauty of the landscape surrounding us. The sound of cow bells as cows literally were herded along beside us. The taste of red wine, poured out of a pitcher at our nightly dinners. The groans that come from sore muscles and joints. The conversations and laughter with fellow “pilgrims” at the hostels and along the path. We walked through the rain, got blisters, ate not great food most of the trip, and many days were just plain boring. Walking into the city of Santiago at the close of our journey was pretty anti-climactic with no fanfare for our huge accomplishment– just a few photos, a hug from a couple we had met along the way, and a long wait in a line to receive our certificate. However, in the days after, as I processed the trip, I realized how it had changed me. It was a concentrated life experience that mirrored reality. It was not cluttered by entertainment, duties, expectations, or any other of life’s distractions. It was simple but significant. All we had to do those 32 days was walk from where we were to our next destination. All day. Every day. We ate, we walked, we slept, and we fellowshipped. But we also walked 500 flippin miles across Spain! The mundane, yet intentional movement got us a hella long way.

 I think that transformation is inevitable. It does not have to occur through excessive productivity or success in the world’s terms. Transformation and awakening by love might just as likely come from a partner making you coffee in the morning, a child relaying something that is important to them, a chat with a friend, or a morning walk to get your body moving. I used to thrive on people pleasing and acquiring kudos by overextending myself. What other’s thought or needed was the drive that kept me going, and if I didn’t have approval, I sunk into despair. These old ways still occasionally show up, but I can spot them more quickly now. I also am way more comfortable with the boring day to day, doing what I enjoy and trying to care for my needs and help those close to me. I make daily mistakes but try to keep an attitude of forgiveness for myself and others. I am no longer focused on fixing everyone else, preventing problems (of mine or others), or performing the way others think I should. Instead, I am more comfortable admitting I have needs and working to prioritize those needs. I HAVE been awakened by love and am open to letting it transform me. I am slowly breaking free from the old bondage of the past, and pursuing a more sustainable, peaceful, life of love.

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